25 Things You Can Say To Your Dog but Not Your Date
Just to clarify, I am not saying you can’t say these things, just maybe never on a first date until you’ve established some kind of proper rapport that supports such things. Also, last minute edit, I’m told I lifted this idea from removed link , which I very well may have done. But it still made me laugh, so apologies if I actually plagiarized any of these.
- Down! Down girl!
- Stop licking yourself
- Get the ball! Get the ball, girl!
- On the paper!
- Your belly fur is all matted
- On the lawn, not the carpet
- Have you been eating shit again?
- Get your nose out of that ass
- Look at those whiskers
- You smell like you’ve been rolling around in dead things
- Who’s a slobbery girl?
- Don’t clean your ass in my lap
- Did you hump the cat again?
- Shit, look at the size of that tick!
- Stop stepping on my nuts
- Want to lick my plate?
- Looks like someone needs to be groomed again
- Your farts stink like beer and roast beef
- Not on the furniture!
- Looks like we need to trim a turd out of your assbeard
- Shit, are you in heat again?
- What did you leave in my shoe?
- Alright, back in you cage
- Get in the tub, stinky
- C’mere, I got the peanut butter!